Just a vapor
I recently had a conversation with a person who believes in Jesus, but is afraid to go to church because she doesn’t want to feel judged. After explaining to her that church should not be a place of fear of being judged, I realize after all these years, I still have the same hang ups. The devil still puts things in my head to keep me from going to church, growing in God’s word, and sharing God’s word with others. I’ve been writing in this blog for more than afew months. I’ve only shared it with one person. Although my blog is public, I do not share it on my social media sites. It has no traffic at all. I think about sharing it, and then thoughts of doubt creep into my head. What if there’s something offensive in one of my posts and I end up pushing someone away from God? What if I have misquoted something and I lead someone in the wrong direction? Am I really qualified to witness to people about God? I have been a Christian for most of my life, yet I’m horrible at memorizing scripture. I know what the Bible says, but I can’t always tell you exactly where something is in the Bible. Maybe I should just study the Bible and memorize more scripture before I start sharing the word with others. What if someone thinks I’m crazy for posting these blogs? What if they pick me apart for it? I’m not a perfect person, and people know that. Do I seem like a hypocrite? I’m not great with grammar and punctuation. What if people think I’m dumb because of all of the grammar mistakes?
I tell people all day long, that it doesn’t matter what others think. You don’t have to be perfect to come to God. You don’t have to worry about what others think because God KNOWS your heart. He is the only judge. Yet, I sit here letting the devil put doubt in my own head. I’ve got 24 unfinished blog posts in my phone note pad. Blogs that I’ve started and then I let doubt creep in and never finished them.Ive never posted them to my blog. I’ve got 9 posts that actually made it to my blog but, I don’t share it. I keep waiting until I believe the time is right. Waiting until the devil gets off of my back and stops putting doubt in my head. Waiting for God to tell me “It’s time to share”
I’M NOT PERFECT. I can say that out loud. Yet, I can’t seem to convince myself that its ok. I keep chasing perfection and letting my flaws hold me back. I’m cheating myself and letting all that God has in store for me stay just out of my reach. I’m so afraid to put myself out there.
God doesn’t require me to be perfect. Nobody has ever been perfect except for Jesus Christ. Nobody ever can be. He wants ALL to come to Him. He loves people from all walks of life, no matter what you have done in your past. In fact, the most flawed people are the ones that he chooses to use to show others what he can do. The most flawed people become some of the greatest witnesses for God. Jesus came to save those who are lost. Not those who are perfect. If people could be perfect, there would have been no reason for the cross. Nobody on the face of the earth could ever live perfect enough to earn their way into heaven. Heaven isn’t earned, it is given. Heaven is not filled with perfect angels and sin free people. Heaven is filled with sinners who have been washed in the blood of the lamb.
Most of the New Testament was written by a man who arrested Christians and put them to death. A man who did horrible things to Christians. Yet he was redeemed by Jesus and became one of the greatest witnesses for Christ. Saul was as filthy as filthy can get, yet Jesus used him. He became The apostle Paul.If God could change and use a man like Saul, he can use absolutely anyone. Nobody is too far gone for Jesus to save. Saul definitely was not worthy of God’s grace, in our eyes. Yet, in God’s eyes he was worthy. Every person is worthy in God’s eyes. No matter what you’ve done. As humans we are not capable of complete forgiveness. Those who we see as too far gone,(such as drug addicts, murderers and rapists) God sees as redeemable.
I admire Paul. He lived in a time where Christians were put in prison and stoned to death. He was taught his whole life to arrest and kill Christians. Yet, Once Jesus came to him, he changed from night to day. He went against everything he had been taught growing up. He went against the very people who raised him. He surrendered completely to God and was not afraid to share the news of what Christ had done for him even while in prison.
Yet here I sit, in the comfort of my warm cozy home, in a country where I am allowed to worship and practice any religion I want to, without persecution. I’m afraid to share a blog that talks about Jesus. I’m afraid of what others think of me. I need to get faith like Paul. I need to stop caring what others think, and spread the message I believe God has given me. I need to be completely sold out for God.
I need to stop sitting on a bench in a church doing nothing for God. I need to stop being afraid to take on a role in the church, because I don’t think I’m worthy or ready. I need to stop being insecure. I need to stop feeling judged. I need to stop creating visions in my own mind. In all reality nobody in my church cares that I became a mom at 17 years old. That my 15 year old son and my 10 year old daughter were born out of wedlock. That I lived with my current husband for 5 years unmarried. I drank so much alcohol at times that I didn’t even know my own name. I’ve cussed like a sailor and had multiple sex partners. I’ve been in fights, said hurtful words to others. I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve done many things I don’t like to admit. There’s really no end to my list of sins.
Everyone in the church has their own list. Mine may be different, mine may be worse, but in the eyes of our God, we are all his children. He loves us, and he forgives us. I will never be worthy in the eyes of men. However, I am worthy in the eyes of the one who matters. The one who gives us all, His grace so freely.
The church, isn’t judging me. I’m judging myself. They aren’t sitting there thinking of all my sins. I grew up in this town. There’s no doubt that everyone sitting in that church is aware of my past but they aren’t dwelling on it, I am. I let my own securities creep in and tell me I’m not good enough. Christians believe in redemption. We believe that nobody is too far gone. We believe that Jesus died on the cross for all of us imperfect sinners. Jesus died For ALL, not just some. We believe that there is only ONE judge and we are not to judge . So, if like me while you sit in church, you start to worry that someone in the congregation might be judging you, just remember they probably aren’t. It’s the devil putting doubt in your head. The devil using your own insecurities to keep you out of church. The devil keeping you from growing in your faith.
If by chance that person really is judging you, that is their problem with God, not yours. We are not to judge others. No sin is greater than the other. Them judging you for your sins, is their own sin. Instead of worrying about what they think of you, pray for their heart.
Everything that happens on this earth is just a vapor. When you get to heaven, it’s not going to matter that sally thought your dress was a little too short, or billy thought you should dress up for church instead of coming in jeans and a tee shirt every Sunday. It’s not going to matter if you were covered in tattoos or if your liver was destroyed by alcohol. What is going to matter is whether or not you accepted Jesus into your heart and made him Lord of your life.
You’ll have a new body, a new robe, and a new everlasting life in heaven. You will be surrounded by Jesus and all of the people who accepted him into their hearts.
Stop worrying about this life so much, and start worrying about the next one. Stop worrying about the people you love thinking your crazy, and start worrying about sharing Jesus with them so that you may see them in heaven with you. Once this life is over, you can’t go back. This is just a passageway to the next life. Don’t waste your time here worrying about others. You never know when someone will be gone. The next time you see them, might be the last. Tell them about God before it’s too late. Tell them you want to spend eternity in heaven with them.
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