Dear God, Please Help Me
Today I experienced something pretty scary. I work as a kitchen manager at my local Highschool. Just last week we had an intruder drill and had been instructed on what to do if there were ever a dangerous situation at our school. I remember thinking to myself, “Things will never go this smoothly in a real situation, it will be pure chaos” I had mentioned to one of my co workers that the only way we would know how we would react is if we weren’t told it was a drill. It’s so easy to do things the right way with no pressure. Most people crack under pressure. I would probably be the first running and screaming. Today started out as a typical Monday. I have little storage at my school so I frequently have to run over to the junior high to get things I need for the day. Today I had to run and get water and pepperoni. My boss came in and said that she had some things in her car for me to take to my school. I left my car running because I planned on it being a quick trip. She and I went outside to load up my car. On the way out she told me that she tried taking them to my school but the gates to get into the cafeteria were locked. That wasn’t normal, but I didn’t really think anything of it at the time. We have a couple of new custodians, maybe one of them locked it by accident. It was just after 8am.
The junior high principal came running and said “get inside and lock the doors” my boss and I both looked at eachother thinking “another drill” and we carried on without getting in a hurry. Then she yelled louder “LOCK THE DOORS, we are on lockdown now” I opened my door and turned my car off, and ran into the building.
The junior high cafeteria is inside what we call the FEMA building. It was built to withstand a tornado. It’s big enough to fit every student and every staff member in the district inside. It also serves as a kitchen, cafeteria and gymnasium. There are no windows at all, Only big metal doors. Once inside we ran around locking all of the doors inside. We had no clue what was going on yet, but we knew lock down meant all entrances and exits had to be locked.
Once we slowed down for a minute and realized that this was not a drill, I started to get emotional. My son is in junior high, but he was in the next building. My 9 year old daughter was afew blocks away at Martin Elementary. My baby was at home with my mom. I wanted to be with all of them but they were all in separate places and I wasn’t allowed to leave the FEMA building. I called my mom and explained that we were on lockdown. I didn’t know what was going on yet but she should lock the doors at my house and stay inside with the baby. Once I got off the phone with her, emotions started to set in. I couldn’t protect my babies from whatever was happening. All I could do was be still.
I called the workers at my school to make sure everything was fine there. It was. One of he custodians was in there with them. They didn’t know what was going on either. Then I called the Martin kitchen manager to check on them. She told me that she wasn’t sure what was going on but, it was definitely real. There was a swat team van right outside the school.
I freaked out!! My daughter is at Martin school. Tears started flowing down my face. I was terrified. I didn’t know what was going on, if my baby was safe. If she was scared but there is a swat team van right outside her school. Thousands of thoughts ran through my head in seconds. I didn’t know what to do. I felt completely helpless. All I could do was cry and pray. Afew minutes later we were filled in on what was going on. My nerves eased a bit but I was still scared.
The police were looking for a suspect who was possibly armed and dangerous. He was in the area of my daughter’s school. All children were safe and accounted for. The windows were covered, the doors were locked. The swat team was there. There was no way anyone was getting out or in. More and more information came by bits and pieces in the next several minutes.
We were told who the suspect was. I didn’t know him well. However, I knew his name. I knew his family and people close to him. I had heard a lot about him. Although, I didn’t personally know him, I knew that he wasn’t a person who would purposely hurt children. He was not some crazed gunman wanting to shoot up a school to get attention. Although I didn’t know everything about him, I did know that atleast some part of him was good. I knew that he had been in trouble with drugs years ago. I knew that he had turned his life around and had been in church serving God. Somewhere in the last year or two he had lost his way. I don’t know if it was for money to provide for his family, or if the addiction just got ahold of him again. I had heard that had started selling drugs again. Possibly using again. There was a warrant out for his arrest for drug charges.
I don’t know the facts, just hearsay. What I did know is, he was not out to hurt my child or anyone else’s. I felt it in my heart.
The new information eased my mind. I knew my son was ok. He’s a teenage boy who isn’t scared of a lot of things. He probably thought it was cool to be on lock down. However, I was still very worried about my daughter. I knew she was safe, but I worried about her being scared. She can be very emotional. I didn’t know how much she knew. It would be really scary for kids to be in that situation, not knowing what was going on. I started to melt down about that. I wanted to talk to her and tell her it was ok. I wanted to hug her and tell her not to be scared. I knew I couldn’t though. I couldn’t leave, and even if I could. I couldn’t get to her. All I could do was pray that God comforted her.
We have a nifty little system called Remind. It is a system for parents and teachers to communicate. My daughters teacher frequently sends out homework, tests, and event reminders through this system. Today she used it to communicate with us about our babies. She sent us messages telling us that all of the kids were ok and she was keeping them busy. They knew little about what was going on. This little message was exactly what I needed to make me feel better. I knew that the teacher was keeping her and her classmates calm.
Time kept going by. We stayed in touch with the other schools. Everyone in the kitchen had people from outside the lockdown texting them and telling them things. It’s Small town. Everyone knows something. The problem is they don’t always have the right information. Rumors fly fast around here. At one point someone told someone that they had shot him and it was over. I remember in that moment my
heart sank. I didn’t know what the situation was. I didn’t know how a person could be pushed to the point of being so afraid to go to jail that they would rather be shot. I didn’t know if the rumors were true but I prayed that they weren’t. I prayed for his safety and for all of the officers and citizens near him. This man had family and friends who loved him. Who would be heartbroken if he left this world. I prayed that he would surrender peacefully if not for his own sake than for for their sake.
We were told not to leave until we got the all clear. We stayed out until we heard from administrators. There were several times that we had heard they had him, but time kept passing without confirmation. It started getting a little cloister phobic in the FEMA building. Although it is big, there’s no windows and we weren’t allowed to look out the doors. I just wanted to be free!! We tried to keep busy to pass the time but there was only so much we could do. We were just stuck. I had a million things to do at my own school. I had talked to my co workers several times and they assured me everything was done and they were just sitting ducks too. But I still needed to be there. Truthfully I wanted to be there more than I needed to be. Atleast we have windows at the Highschool. I was so tired of being cooped up and I was starting to get a headache.
We began to wonder if we were ever going to get to leave. If we were just going to be on lock down the whole day. The closer it came to lunch the more we started worrying about how we were going to feed the kids. They had to eat. We each got on the phones with administrators of our buildings trying to figure out how to feed them and keep them safe at the same time. My school planned to put lunches in to go trays and have teachers and staff come get the food and deliver to the classrooms. Every school had a plan but we were still hoping that the lock down would be over before lunch.
Finally just after 11am we finally got the all clear!!! I ran as fast as I could out of that building and into my car to get back to my school! Finally fresh air!! They were able to take the guy into custody safely. Nobody was hurt, including him. We all went on about our day as usual.
When my daughter got home from school, I asked her if she was scared. I didn’t tell her a whole lot because I didn’t know how much she knew. Sometimes I think it is best just to let them talk. She told me she was a little scared, but she didn’t cry. She just prayed about it and knew everything was going to be ok. That was a proud moment for me. Hearing that my 9 year old baby girl trusted in God and he calmed her fears.
I asked my son if he was scared. Of Course he wasn’t. Or atleast he will never admit it. He is a tough 14 year old boy. He isn’t scared of anything or anyone. It was actually fun for him because he got to stay in the same class for 3 hours and didn’t have to do any work.
I have to say. I am so proud of our school district. Everyone handled everything just perfectly. Everything at every school was locked down within seconds of being notified that we were under lock down. They also did an amazing job keeping everyone calm and informed. I am so proud to be apart of this district and have leaders who don’t crack under pressure!
Later this afternoon I learned more about everything that happened today. Apparently he had a warrant for drugs. He had ran from the cops afew weeks ago, but they received a tip that he was in town today. They saw him in town and chased him. He jumped out of the truck near Martin school and ran on foot. Hours later he was caught not even a block from my daughter’s school. A lady heard a noise in her utility room which is outside but attached to her house. She said she could hear a man saying “Dear God help me” she called the police and told them that someone was in her utility room. He finally surrendered peacefully and was taken into custody.
After hearing his plea for God to help him, my heart was immediately softened. I pray that God does help him and his family through this. I pray that this is the wake up call that he needed to turn his eyes and his heart back to God for good. I’ve seen some nasty things posted about him on Facebook. I do understand that he has done wrong in his life. He got off track which led to his arrest today. I won’t say he is guilty of selling drugs. The police can’t say that either. It’s their job to bring him in, the judge will decide his fate. Just like as Christians. It isn’t our job to decide whether someone is saved. It is our job to tell them about God, and bring them in to find him. It is God’s job to judge them. Not ours. None of us are perfect.
Nobody is ever too far gone for God to help them. It doesn’t matter what this man has done or what any of us have done. If we are willing to cry out to God and say “Dear God, please help me” he will hear our call. He will answer. He will give us the help we need. So tonight while most of the town sits smugly in their homes judging this man and speaking hateful words about him. I will sit in mine, and pray for him. Dear God, please help him. Please bring him closer to you. Let your will be done. Take him on the path that he needs to be on to glorify you.
Dear God, please help his family. Please protect their hearts from the pain of the words from others. Please let them continue to love him and be here for him through this. Please God be with them also. Let this open eyes of all who need help from you.
Dear God, please help them. Help those who curse him, and persecute him. Help them see that none of us are perfect and we all need you. Let those who are struggling, find you.
Dear God, please help me.
Please help me to always see the good in others. Please help me live in such a way that brings glory to you. Let my words always be kind but also truthful. Please help me be what you want me to be. Let all of those who are lost come to you in prayer and say “Dear God Please Help Me”
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